Welcome to the chat.
I am a pandemic first-time parent (at some point this will be like an old lady badge of honor, but now it’s just an apt descriptor). I found out I was pregnant in January 2020 and slowly watched all of my expectations about what my pregnancy might be like disappear.
I once cried in a Target because the woman working at the check-out was the first stranger to acknowledge I was pregnant and ask me how I was feeling.
Then came our son. When he was born I was bewildered. Tired. Overwhelmed. Of course, I thought he was cute, but I hadn’t been prepared to welcome him to the world in the time of shutdown. I had envisioned a maternity leave spent with other new parents sipping coffees and sharing war stories. Instead, I was scared to take him in the elevator of our Brooklyn apartment building. Not to mention, I was constantly wondering if my organs were going to fall out of my body, if I would ever sleep again, if I was a good mom, if I was ruining my child since I had to supplement my breastmilk with formula.
My only saving grace was the text chains. The one-one, two-two, or group chats of parents (mostly moms or other primary parents) who were bearing the brunt of pregnancy and childrearing in a strange time. They also somehow managed to be so ready and willing to be empathetic, strong, and incredibly generous with their thoughts and resources. It was everything from photos of mucus plugs and baby poop to swapping Amazon links and clogged duct hacks. It was raw and unfiltered and non-judgmental. Since these people were my friends, I already kind of knew if I liked their approach and vibe and could proceed accordingly. It wasn’t generic: It was for me.
One of the most gratifying things about getting more than two years into this lifetime-long journey is that now I have been able to pay it forward, even if just a little. Now I get to sometimes be the calm one on the other side of the phone reassuring, validating, encouraging, and just generally lifting up the warriors on the front lines of new parenting. And turns out, I kind of live for it. I love being able to be that person for other people when they’re at their most vulnerable.
This site is entirely based on conversations I’ve had with friends over and over again. It distills advice I’ve been given and dispensed. I hope in sharing I can recreate the chats that have gotten me through the tough times, and often given me the tools to have the amazing times. Here, we can reflect on what it means to have your identity forever changed and in ways you may not have expected. Here, we can share our tips and tricks to getting through the new phases, transitions and oddities of navigating young children. And here too, we can laugh at ourselves, think about the cultural dynamics that make our brains sometimes short circuit, and sit with our new reality.
Not everything is roses and butterflies (I see you toxic positivity. Just not interested.). Not everything is a messy drama that requires a glass of wine (I see you wine mama memes). It’s just life. It ebbs and flows. It’s mundane as fuck. And sometimes it’s incredible. No matter how parenting comes at you, it’s not meant to be navigated alone.
As a final word: I am still learning myself. It feels like every week there’s a new phase/question/dynamic to unpack. I lean hard on my friends who are ahead of me in the game. And I love them every day for it.